Suffragettes Champion Labor Cause

SHAWNEETOWN,   Eyebrows were raised and other eyes clinched shut as Mrs.Petulia Malletgrinder climbed onto the wheelhouse platform of her husbands LadySurrey wagon. Crowds had been assured that this was only a publicity stunt for the ladies own Ladies Can Do Anything bake sale and sewing exposition.
In the end though the crowds were flabbergasted as the two lady driving team was able to manipulate the wagon an incredible 1/4 fur low.

"This has been some kind of manifestation or trickery" our own Mayor Standish Elixsor was quoted as saying. It was proven with its inception that the feminine drive train of the Surrey will not respond to the command of a woman. Woman lack the bone structure necessary to strike the pullers sufficiently for motivation. 

Nightmares Eliminated by Top Psychologist

Nightmares have seemingly been eradicated by the nations top psycological professionals based on an experiment approved by the board of Psychiactric Professionals. 

The twelve year old control subject, Klaus Mumblepuntz was quoted as saying "I will never, ever, ever, close my eyes or put down this rifle again.

CBS Celebrates Fall Lineup

     The promise of added revenue has led the CEO of CBS to celebrate jubilantly over the line up of programming planned for the fall.
      It took a case of Makers Mark and a gang bang, but I've secured the contract for the Foster Brooks Cavalcade of Stars. Gleason is in the back office toilet trying to talk to Neil Armstrong through the toilet. And Jim Backus just rear ended my secretary. Literally.

      "Booze man, just press the button marked booze. Right Mr. Magoo?