Sunday, August 2, 2009

Play By Play of Yesteryears Game.



It was the summer of ought 1 in the principality of Mustard Teeth Manitoba. The league was still without foundation and no playoffs were scheduled. But this was no regular season as we were all jockeying for positions and living off the bounty of our robber barron owner Preston Snavely.


We lived in the oppulent surroundings of the club cars on our team locamotive "The Golden Swine." Except for our new pitch Big Chief Black Cloud who we'd made build a nest of wire in the under carriage. Thick red velvet curtains divided the cars into seperate spaces which did little to conceal the noise of a dying hooker or a hog being butchered. But we made due and thought it was all quite grand.


The game against the local team the Crutch Huggers had on this day escalated into an all out blood bath. Two deaths and an error in the third inning had givin the Crutch Huggers a 37 to 37 tie. On this, the fourth and final inning, we had had to replace the chief with someone less likely to wonder off the mound every time someone caught the suns reflection on a polished piece of metal. Grover (the one hit wonder) Washington Jr. had done the trick with his famous broken glass ball. And now we had them where we wanted.


Rusty Balls our second shortstop had singled on a six and four count spoonball. With five outs I had driven him to fourth base. One out left and Balls set to score. their middle catcher Red Schnitzel hit a soft flopper just short of the shortcenter fielders grasp as Balls crossed the plate. The play was now at second base and the game was mine to win. The throw to the bag was low and as we came together I thrust my ice pick up into his rib cage as his lung let out a hiss more like a whistle than an air brake. I noticed that he still firmly grasp the ball so I came overhand with four powerful thrust of the shive into his neck, severing the great artery and sending blood pumping into the air like a beautiful red wine fountain. Boston Slave Traders Win! Boston Slave Traders Win.

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