Dear god woman, can this be a mistake? What have you done? This is preposterous and you shall be thrashed soundly if this cannot be resolved. 600 text messages! Who in the devil could possibly even own a cell phone besides other royalty. And they can't read or write. What, were you sitting on it in your hoop skirt.
My god woman, sit up, your going to break that chair.
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I've got a cramp. You write for a while.